Let's Talk About....

I grew up in a house where the "S word" was never talked about. Everything I learned about intimacy, I learned on the school bus or the playground. I remember one time, I think I was a freshman in high school, we had a substitute teacher in one of our classes. We had a test that day, and I was sitting at a table with three boys. They thought it would be funny to write sexually charged answers on the paper, rather than the real answers. As they would think of something they thought to be funny, they would say it out loud, and the rest of the table (including me) would laugh. At the end of the class period, one of the boys wadded his paper up and threw it in the garbage. About an hour later, I got called to the principal's office, where I was reprimanded for being part of this group. The substitute had retrieved the paper from the trash can and shared it with the principal. He showed me some of the vulgar things that were written on the paper, and he told me that he had called the boys' parents to explain what they had done. As he talked to me, he said that he had decided not to call my parents, because he could tell that I had no idea what most of the things on the paper even meant. I had just been laughing with the others as to not give away my naivete. I was embarrassed that I didn't know what everyone else seemed to know.

On my wedding day, I wasn't much more knowledgeable. For some reason, my aunt tried to give me a quick primer in the temple parking lot (talk about feeling uncomfortable!), and I didn't dare ask my new husband the questions that were on my mind. Thankfully, he was much less uncomfortable with the topic, having grown up talking about it.

Elder Hugh B. Brown has noted: “Many marriages have been wrecked on the dangerous rocks of ignorant and debased sex behavior, both before and after marriage. Gross ignorance on the part of newlyweds on the subject of the proper place and functioning of sex results in much unhappiness and many broken homes.

“Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. …

“If they who contemplate this most glorifying and intimate of all human relationships [marriage] would seek to qualify for its responsibilities. … if they would frankly discuss the delicate and sanctifying aspects of harmonious sex life which are involved in marriage, … much sorrow, heartbreak, and tragedy could be avoided.” (You and Your Marriage, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1960, pp. 22–23, 73.)

I got lucky. If my husband had felt as uncomfortable as I did, there could have been many opportunities for sadness and misunderstanding over the years. I have been more careful to be open to my kids' questions about intimacy, which - fingers crossed - will help them avoid the sorrow, heartbreak, and tragedy that Elder Brown spoke of.